Its only been a week. Not even.

Had an awesome, very chilled out day on midmar dam today- was great: got there around 10.30 am which was nice to catch the whole day of fun in the sun. Just lay in the shade of this rad big tree, playing card games, and drinking beer etc. rad times. Went for a sail on this tiny little kat that dav had hired for the day- was really great being out on the dam; it just reminded me so much of sailing with my dad at hazelmere dam when we were kids. I used to love it, and today just reminded me of that- sitting there in a little cozzy, and an oversized life jacket, obeying instructions on where to sit and when to pull ropes just watching the clouds roll in for the afternoon storm. Such a kid; nothing has changed. The light was beautiful when driving home; both the girls fell asleep in the car, and I had my ipod on loud and just grinning like a Cheshire cat at the great songs I was listening to, and the sun rays peeping through the clouds. The evenings have been just too pretty this weekend- the clouds have been crazy colours (its probably thanks to the rising pollution levels knowing my luck). But its been really beautiful- the summer has certainly started in full, and for the moment its great (small clothes, tans, lots of swimming etc) I know in about a month, it'll be disgusting and sticky, but for now its fun. Especially since I didn't have summer last year.

yeah been a strange, full yet chilled weekend; still don't really know how I'm doing, or how I'm feeling lately, besides the hope that I'm going to be okay. And I need to be selfish now and prioritize what I want to do, and where I want to be (this isn't literally of course) just think I need good time to sort my head out. Which will be good. Slowly but surely. Overall I think I'm smiling. Your eyes must do some raining if you want to grow. You got my back. Thank you stranger. Everything I feel like crying, I'm going to try to laugh. x

that and ate pesto pasta for supper, so am smiling and smelling at the same time; god help anyone I breathe on tomorrow, as every time I burp I nearly pass out, I don't want to know what its going to be like in the morning! Thought that I may have killed, or at least damaged my daisy; nearly had a heart attack this evening when I saw his sad state- only two days without loving attention (I haven't really been here much- this is literally and metaphorically!) and he had wilted and faded to a shadow of his former glory. Don't worry though dearest readers, he has been rescued and is doing well, going from strength to strength, even with a new bud coming through. This had better be true- as all my hopes and dreams are embodied in that same piece of greenery! And its only been a week. oi vie.