spinach update number 2

so the plants i fear think that i have failed them- it would be greatly heartening to believe it to be the opposite and that they, the little bastards, have failed me- however I don't think this is possible or fair; they didn't ask to be born into this sad and sickening environment.

besides the vast majority of plants that I think have simply given up living, the others are fighting out the slowest and most painful experience I have ever witnessed- there are the few winners (and I say this with major hesitation and reluctance) that have managed to resemble basically what a spinach plant should look like, to a small degree- in that they have some leaves, and they are plants. hah. From the photographic proof I fear that everyone will deem me to be a total failure- actually I think I might as well go ahead and state, for the record, that I have fundamentally failed to raise my poor little spinach plants to full adulthood, fulfillment, and culinary delight in my salad bowl. Even the winners (ha I cant help smirking at the use of this word) are showing signs of defeat and fatigue, I think the sun is burning them to cinders before my very eyes; their little leaves are becoming browner and more schrivelled daily.at least now, however they are actually standing upright which makes for a change. I fear that the weeds growing alongside them are going to surpass them in growth and health rather soon. Yet, despite all the agony, hardship and pain these small pathetic plants have brought me, each and every time I see them, I simply don't have the heart to get rid of them- this would mean either pulling them and throwing them in the bin, or mushing them back into the earth to provide further compost for some other sorry plant to take their places. This would simply push me over the edge, and is something that I fail to have the heart to do. So, as unfortunate as it is for the plants, me and for you, the reader, they are here to stay for awhile- the lamest, saddest most pathetic plants under the sun are going to be around for a little longer. It is becoming a sad, sad state of affairs- ha and underneath it all I still hold a small flame of hope that they will be able to pull out of this and bloom into beauties- oh the ever present optimist.

however the amusing part of the story, is that despite the burnt edges, the lack of growth, and the total failure of my growing skill, Jon still decided to give me the prettiest little daisy as a present before leaving... allowing me to care for a prettier and healthier plant than my failures (as they will now be known as). Despite this lovely and oh too sweet gesture, I am absolutely terrified that im going to kill this one off too- its almost like its standing in for our relationship now: if the damn daisy lasts and blooms, we'll be okay.. if not, I'm scared of the consequences! Ha. Its kind of rather a lot of pressure to be under for such a small and dainty plant. dammit. I need to find some green fingers. And cant kill the daisy. There's too much at stake- not sure when a small plant was forced to bear this much pressure. Heard that talking to them does help though. Huh...

all this brings about is that I really am not cut out for parenthood. At least with plants, if you fuck up on one, there are a couple others to focus your attention on,and some hope that your luck might change for the better. Despite my failings, the formula is pretty simple for green things- water, sunlight, food and a little basic care. Children, I believe, are ever so slightly more complex.