freedom

no more work for me! no more meetings, reports, minute writing, feedback sessions etc. its back to the high life, that of being a broke assed student again. my boss took it well that i didnt want to renew my contract, and sounded the right amount of sad to let me go, and they wanted me back in the future speach, that i didnt feel shit about my position or decision anymore, but rather that its good timing. so woohoo, good bye to that stress. its all fun times, cheap beer and thesis writing from here on out. to congratulate myself im not doing anything today, the slow bum life starting already.
aint i a lucky girl| living the high life

fresh starts.

so i just sent a mail to my boss explaining that yes, i am resigning, and that not i cannot help in future on the projects, as mainly i wont be in the country, and even if i were to be, i wouldnt want to set foot back in the office, or work for him ever again, for all the money in the world. luckily, due to my upbringing, i said it in far better terms than expressed here, but the fundamentals are the same- i am no longer going to be part of the working world, but rather its back to bumsville student life for me. woohooo. i dont mind ever so much, as the thought of not attending another meeting makes me so giddy that i might fall off my chair now. the only problem with this (besides the lack of monthly 4 figures in my bank) is that now i have to face up to the reality of actually sitting down and doing my thesis work, and not having any excuse or distraction keeping me from it. hmm a hard compromise, but a worthy one. so no more work for me. thinking of burning my 'work' wardrobe but it only really consists of two shirts and a neat skirt, that i kinda like anyway, so will hold off on that one. instead its christmas beds, popcorn, followed by drunken punk on the weekend.

this is all depending that he accepts my resignation, doesnt strap me to the chair and force me to stay, or gets ugly- im still waiting on his reply which is making me nervous. hell my contracts up, theres nothing he can actually do to me (besides holding back my final pay cheque but i have a baseball bat that can do things i cant)
im starting to like this thing called life.

happy days

are when you get lunch AND dinner invites to eat your favourite foods all in ONE day. sigh. after long, boring me to tears, meeting this morning (and gleefully thinking how shortly i wont have to do this anymore) im going to delicous lunch at manna, and have sushi plans for dinner. could this day get any better? well, technically. oh to top it off, getting free ticket for uprising on saturday, and my flight/ ticket are prepped for oppikoppi.
so yeah| it just did|| going to laugh and giggle all afternoon.
how can you tell my new meds are working effectively!?

waiting. grumping.

usually i am up at a decent hour, ready to be productive for the day. i lie very well too, but yeah, the morning isnt my best friend, but i do try to be part of the big wide and far more serious world starting productivity at 8. i do however hate to leave my bed, at any expense, so waking up is a gradual process, generally embittered about leaving said warm, snuggly environment. this morning, at 7, was awoken to sit guard and wait for the domestic worker to arrive. now here i am, an hour later, still waiting, still cold, still very bitter about parting from my habitat and hybernation, and she still aint here. i have to now pretend to be working and busy, as what else does one do at this ungodly hour, when brain is dead, coffee isnt in the system yet, and body still in sleep mode. im feeling sorry for myself and am grumpy. for no really good reason either, which makes it worse.
damn morning time. damn productivity. and damn the slow boiling kettle.

crap

i decided on a strange whim to shave my legs this morning while having the world's longest, greatest, hot shower. it wasn't really over concern for my hairiness, but more based on yet another reason to stay in the shower longer. i realized that the razor was hurting a little more than usual when i started, but was distracted by again, the wonderful hot water, and the sunrise through my skylight. little did i realize that one of the blades has come out, and was proceeding to rip skin willy nilly from my body. i only noticed this wonderful occurrence and problematic situation when the thing took a particularly large gouge out of my leg, severely close to my tendon. blooooooooooody sore is what i screamed afterwards for a couple of minutes as the wonder juice that is my blood started to pour down the drain. all of this happened, causing me to have to TURN OFF the warmth (sniff) and while my phone was ringing. christ never rains but pours. im bandaged and healing now, but with a little bit of a gimpy limp as its still sore (i am a wussie) and i bandaged it funny so cant really walk properly. all this on a monday morning.
wow im excited for what the rest of the week may hold for me. as it is i have to tell my boss that im leaving the important meeting early today, and that i cant extend my contract cause im leaving the country for awhile.
the up side is that tickets and flights are booked for oppikoppi, and looks like friends from cape town are coming too. woohoo. hopefully that weekend will make up for the other rubbish.

joyous rapture| this is going to be a ||rocking|| week

i hate.

my neighbours more than i ever thought it was humanly possible. at 7 this morning, after a really bad nights lack of sleep (damn insomnia) i was woken to the wonderful harmony of dual chainsaws outside my window. now this ranting about the neighbours has been a running topic of mine for awhile now, so one would think that after so much chopping and hacking they wouldnt have anything left in the shit hole they call a garden. never fear however- they found the last poor unsuspecting bush left and have now hacked it out. i left early after nearly exploding with frustration and pure evil hatred, to do admin etc for as long as possible. two hours later, im home, and surprise, the chainsaws are still going. only now they are in competition with the people further down the street. oh the joys of working from one's home.

i got some film today to test out an old camera i was given (thanks to my generous and nice father), and for interest went onto the nikon website to learn the details of the camera. i knew it was old, but pretty impressive that the model came out in the late 60s. the thing is way older than me and still seems to work pretty well. there were two in the deal, the other one however, unfortunately the better of teh two, is totally broken which is unfortunate but who really cares. there are two lenses in the case too, which are going to be fun trying out and playing with. im off to play now. giving work the finger for the day, so its photo time, and then to play with the new blender i got, and make some bread.
jesus|| im sounding lame these days| ha ha|| at least its innocent fun times

greynesses

today is the first convincingly grey day that's been around in ages. i do love a good grey day, as its generally when the massive desire for movie beds, popcorn and doing nothing kicks in. however, unpleasantness abounds, and i have mass loads of work to get through, and two deadlines tomorrow, so i will be doing no such thing. sniff. im hoping to be able to sneak some nothing time in somewhere along the line, as my bed and book are screaming for me. mmm. i hate it that its work day today, but at least the weather reflects my sentiments.

plus sides to look forward to:
*booking tickets for england and italy this week (receiving free tickets for architecture binalle is major bonus) *uprising next week (lost my marbles last year, hoping to find them this time round)
*going to oppikoppi in two weeks
*my contract ending at the end of the month, and only going back part time (less money, but oh so much less commitment and stress time)

things.

i hate waking up knowing i have a large deadline to fulfill by tomorrow.
i hate waking up realising i have a meeting in an hour, which entails me getting out of my pyjamas. and facing people.
i hate putting on new stockings and them ripping within the first leg being put in.

however, despite all this grump, i love
waking up to the first semi cloudy day in ages
having hair that is an independant life force to me, and looks like a birds nest
having a wide selection of newly arrived cereal choices at my disposil for breakfast
being able to lie in order to get out of said meeting (it wasnt an important one)
having had sushi last ngiht, to find theres more in the fridge for lunch too

and still having one more day until deadline| so i actually dont really have to rush properly|| just yet. ha.

terrible.

so the soccer is over. boohoo. it didnt feel real and final when watching. didnt want it to be the end. all this free time on my hands makes me realise that the work deadlines dont go away just cause im having fun and watching soccer. dammit. but my team won! wooohoooooo!! viva italy! and they doubted their superior skills and ability. funny i heard on the news that at least this will restore some credibility to italian soccer again after the match fixing mess up. ha sneaky italians.
ive been pretending for too long that work doesnt exist and that deadlines are just a thing of my imagination. unfortunately they do live in reality, and i lack that skill. its something im working on, or at least trying to foster. on friday i have to stand up and present the final product, changed, edited and perfected, along with a presentation of my key issues and areas of focus. i dont have any. i cant say shopping for pretty things, or having lunch with friends, right? shit. somehow i think this one is going to be a bouch job. my heart just isnt in it anymore. ha. i think the fact that my contract runs out at the end of the month isnt helping, as i just dont care anymore. my bad.

headsore

head is paining. drank too much. didn't got out of hand, but too much liquid in system. cant think for longer than three seconds at a time. working is proving problematic in such state. cant seem to stop shaking. think greasy breakfast only way to solve said problem. wish the pounding would stop, in neighbourhood and head this time.

stretches

we started yoga (again) yesterday. i do loads of stretches etc at home these days, but nothing pushing myself too far (no i don't consider this to be laziness inspired), so it wasn't that much of a surprise to find that yes, it does hurt when i push down this far, something you do as your teacher is watching and often correcting you to make it more difficult. somehow my knees shouldn't be found near my ears, and yes it is surprising to realize that they can get there. but it was great. i realized how much I've missed it. your body ends up feeling like a rubber band, rather than gym sweaty, heavy and stiff. much nicer i can tell you. the problem is always the next day however, as you have to slowly coax your muscles to like you again, and that you aren't evil and should be taught a lesson. problems.

fun times are: learning that you have not one, but two deadlines to meet next week for work, and that your entire weekend will consist of visiting family. can we say| joyous rapture|| together?

disappointments

so work is getting insane again, and the soccer is nearly over. whatever will i live for after this. on the up side it was pay day yesterday so i had the appropriate splurge where i blow my fun budget all in one day and then live in the guilt for the rest of the month fun times. it was great. and i added to my shoe collection (again) which makes me deliriously happy (twice), and something that is going to over take me soon. if people find me, aged 80, living alone and penniless, buried under the largest pile of shoes known to mankind but with a large smile on my face, i would be totally unsurprised, happy, and know that i succeeded in my mission.

today is stress day to get rolling on work issues as the deadlines are piling up and i keep pretending that they don't exist. however, unfortunately, the people in my neighbourhood are still insane, and one of my favourite things, still doing relentless home improvements and renovations. chirst its enough to drive me insane, which causes the cabin fever to kick in, along with the problem of the total lack of concentration that i have, and i tend to want to leave the house for fun (quiet) rather than sit at home, pretending to work, listening to the barrage of angle grinders, hose pipes, hammering, chain saws, lawn movers, and the blessed vacuum cleaner. again how i love suburbia. hence the blog posts instead. its almost like im working really; im at home, in front of the computer, and that counts for something. right. please. say. its. true.

wishing the vacuum| would stop and the neighbours|| die.