and again

it seems that panda arrives today. its been so long since the initial excitement, it doesn't actually feel like anything really. maybe when i see her it will be fun. otherwise i actually just want to go back to sleep- it seems all i want to do these days. pity is that when i do actually get to bed, i don't sleep well at all- damn this waking up in the middle of the night thing. work and life and everything else etc, is slow, numbed and dulled because of this persistent tiredness. perhaps I'm getting old? cant handle the pace as much i used to? think i just need to get some exercise, and take some vitamins, and do all that healthy stuff, but its certainly the last thing that i ever feel like doing. drinking beer on a couch, and then going to bed, is so much more fun and enjoyable i tells you. pity its not what my body needs at the moment. hopefully this week will be better. I'm going to try to bend some sensible hours, nutrition and detox into my system, and see if it makes it all better. I'm hoping so. seems like this is becoming a habit though- every Monday i talk about starting a good week, turning over new leaves, detox, clean the system, project summer plan starting, and then i have a beer and a late night. it seems always to be post-weekend regret or blues perhaps than forces me into wanting to change my week. damn it all. we cant all be perfect- I'm just making up the useless/ bad quota for someone else. oh well.