my god
it feels like i havent stopped eating, drinking and generally enjoying the festive holiday times- it began about a week before christmas and simply hasnt stopped going ever since. dont get me wrong im not complaining in the slightest- my waist line and girth are, but im one happy drunken fatty over xmas. radical. the festives havent ended and tomorrow brings a whole new reason to drink and be merry. this is the first year where i havent given rocks about what im doing for new year, havent thought about it at all, and simply want to be merry with a large bottle of champagne in my hands around friends and loved ones when the clock strikes twelve- where that little celebration is to take place i still am yet to decide on- but until then, happiest new year to all, merry times, drink lots and lots (just dont drive), kiss as many strangers as possible and i hope it brings new things, new excitements, adventures, loves and all. god time is passing far too quickly and another year is almost beginning without me being prepared or adjusted to the idea at all. fingers crossed this one is going to be great, and a whole lot less bumpy than the last. much love all x
merry merries
happiest christmas all. im happy its that time of year again with far too much food available, even more booze and the ever painful but amusing family time. ive gone mental this festive season with any available area of the house covered in decorations, lights and other flashy shiny objects. have been listening to endless festive tunes thanks to the new dmx channel of old holiday favourites- think that may have something to do with the xmas insanity im experiencing, and that my family may just be getting me some lumps of coal. ha. hope its a happy time of year for all- and hell its over soon, and the new fresh slate of next year can begin all over again. big festive love to all x
sunny times
just got back from the strange land that is ballito in the holiday festive summer season for the weekend. god its a weird place, where you are hit on by strange middle aged afrikaans men, surrounded constantly by little screaming children and no available booze selling outlets on sundays- apparently its a well know fact that there is no place open to sell booze (not a restuarant just a general store) on sundays- damn ballito doesnt like heathens. despite all these strangenesses it was a good relaxing weekend of sun, reading good book, and lots of eating and drinking. only to return on monday morning to have to continue with the endless emailing of my cv to find any, and i really mean any sort of job available. im so sick of fucking emailing that stupid cv- i havent heard back from anyone, nor does it seem that anyone is even interested in a semi intelligent young dynamic girl with higher education. what happened to rewarding those of us stupid ones who stayed behind and havent run away contributing to the brain drain- isnt there meant to be a skills shortage in this land? and i am skilled? why do these tow situations not equate to me getting offered lots and lots of jobs and money? sigh i hate this system- they all want experience and high skills- but where are you meant to have had the time to get all of these things, when no one is keen to give you the experience in the first place. fuck i hate the job market. and my debt is simply growing daily. dammit. so much for the relaxation lasting and keeping me calm.
sigh.
summer time is non conducive or encouraging of working, not even working hard, simply just getting something done. beautiful weather, the beach calling, friends on leave, and hot sun aren't generally motivators to sit one down happily in front of a computer and work on the most painful process of one's life, thesis writing. so as a result, work is slow, fun factor is increasing problematically so, and im going away from saturday so its only going to worsen. dont get me wrong, this isnt a complaint at all, just mild concern and realisation that the thesis deadline is going to extend. right now i dont give rocks, as i think my supervisor has taken the same attitude as me; he hasnt replied to an email in over a week, so think he's also enjoying the summer sunshine fun. who cares, its nearly festive season, its allowed right.
blech.
the sickness has descended in full force, causing me to feel very sorry for myself and to cough up green stuff. none of which are fun things to pass time with. also feeling rather dejected as every single job email, application or enquiry ive made has either been ignored, trashed or simply forgotten. im broke assed and not enjoying it as my debt simply grows and grows. back to bed for me, might make me feel happier again. stupid flu.
gripes about home not so sweet home
bitch number 1: mosquitos. christ. theyre every where and leave welts these days. have they grown since i remember.bitch number 2: the ever ending wind, and threatening rain. summer is rad, in theory; in durban, it sucks as is perpetually too hot to venture outside to actually do anything, or its raining, that rad sweaty, humid rain, like 100% humidity rather than refreshing rain. it gets hotter afterwards too. makes sense, no?bitch number 3: being broke. stinking ass, bones protruding, am already in tons of debt with parents kind of broke. and there seems no real solution to this problem, as there are no real jobs in sight. what i mean is there arent any jobs at all, as everywhere has got their festive staff already. looks like i may just have to go back to elf and fairy jobs again. god help me.
lastly i just dont seem to be able to catch up on sleep lately. am permanently tired, and pathetic feeling. not fun. but hopefully will get used to it, or it leaves me, or i just carry on. hmm. fuck im grumpy this morning. need to go and medicate and feed myself back to normality, if not happy. things arent really as bad, i just enjoy a stinking moan on occassion.
huh
title from spam recieved: And I certainly understand your concern in your husband's sudden lack of allowing you to read his secret e-mail account.
umm, okay. back home, and it feels weird. they say home is where the heart is, the crappest cheesiest line in the world, sponsored by hallmark im sure, but what if your heart just isnt in it anymore. strange feeling. this feels foreign. post departure/ return feelings i guess. was brilliantly appropriate that arrived back to pissy, pea soup windy shit evening yesterday- ah sweet durban how could i ever leave you and your awful weather. what was highly amusing is that there was a promotion for celebrate durban- come to durbs and experience the sunny high life- and these poor girls in bikinis lying on a fake beach at the entrance to the arrivals section. they were turning blue as i watched. selling durban to returning durbanites is a whole new and original concept. real special. i feel like theres a bubble of distance between me and my surroundings. i hope it'll settle otherwise i have to move sooner than expected. except im broke, absolutely flat broke, so that doesnt help with the game plan; kind of impacts on the excitement and fun of life. dammit. might be, ahhhh, shock horror, time for a job again. but its still sunday so i dont have to think of things like that just yet.
strange
staying in this city has been strange and interesting. its been pretty good for my head- change of scenery and life often helps to put things into perspective, raises questions, makes you stream line your ideals, thoughts and life. its good. someone asked me if i was excited to be going home, and i dont think of it as home really- just another location to stay, where my stuff resides, but that you can make home anywhere. its a good understanding. throws caution to the breeze (that meels funny) and see where it lands. ha.
