birthday smiles

getting flowers for my birthday is always a fantastic thing; not simply because i love flowers, and they make me smile silly-like, but also because post birthday hype, once the cake, champagne and presents are finished and chucked, the flowers are still there to remind you of good things and happinesses. i got amazing flowers, including the biggest bunch of full yellow roses, and every morning walking in to get coffee, I'm greeted by these rad, smiling roses. it makes for a good start to the day. they rock.

i was really rather apprehensive about the reality check that would hit me on monday, once the boys have all gone, everything returning to ordinary normality (especially the work load) smacking me full in the forehead just to remind me it exists. monday itself wasn't the best (post holiday fun/ come downs never are) but woohoo for birthday madnesses and fun to keep reality at bay. thankfully two of the greatest friends spoilt me all day, and I've never stuffed so much chocolate cake into my gullet in one sitting.

so the unreal, fantasy fun times have persisted, thanks to ageing another year, which is keeping the spirits up and the skeletons at bay for at least a little while longer; a friend is staying with me until she moves flat, making my flat full again, and my bed not so lonely, and double woohoo I'm off to joburg for the weekend, to visit crazy brother, crazier friends, and have some fun. and it was totally unplanned and impromtue decision by my parents that prompted the trip (also they driving and paying so even more smiles that its for free). so I'm going to ride with all this, and hope to keep the reality baddies away for just a little longer, until i find my feet (and my marbles) somewhere again, and things balance out. whats surprised me most of all, is that in the inbetween times from all this madness, I'm actually working, and being productive again; my chapter is almost complete after just two days. my god, so this is what productivity and focus are!? it appears that despite keeping the fantasy land, my attention span and concentration are returning; perhaps its just all the pep talks lately to finish this shit have actually hit home. radical.

i just wish the persistent ear infection and soreness would go away. cant all be happy roses i suppose.

sjoe

it sure has been a week. monday blues have hit big time as reality is back in place, the tiredness is taking time to leave me, friends have left for distant shores and the work load is screaming at me. fun time over, but it was so good that i think i can ride the high for ages to come. it was simply phenomenal.
despite all the laughter and fun times etc it also helped me put my life back into perspective, shift priorities, and generally kick my ass into order; this thesis is not going to be the death of me, rather with a gleeful smile im going to murder it in its sleep. *evil laugh* its been a good break to allow me to refocus whats actually important and what can be handled and so on; and a realisation of why certain people are in my life at the right time.
special. (except all i want to do is sleep now)

post st paddys day blues

its been a full and fantastic last few days; old friends in town due to imminent wedding and so its been awesome catching up, sharing lives again and so on. there nothing quite as rad as seeing friends after a long period of time, and you simply pick up where you left off, as though the previous conversations and sillinesses had been on pause all that time lapsed inbetween. havent stopped laughing all weekend. or drinking. yay to my responsibility free hedonistic lifestyle; there are times that it pays off and rocks. its rare times like these that helps to put everything into perspective and show you that all this stuff we wade through everyday is worth it, and really shiny and great underneath all the rubbish. it makes you smile.

grump

for some stupid reason I'm trying to limit my coffee intake; i realised that perhaps consuming my own body weight in caffeine each day was not the healthiest thing i could do to myself, and thus am trying to break the dependency I've built up on the stuff. so instead of first thing in the morning, grabbing large mug and making the black gold, I've been having herbal teas, or better still, hot water with lemon. just the kind of thing you need first thing in the morning, when my eyelids are still adjusting to being open and functioning. its getting better; I'm not going to ever be so stupid as to cut the stuff out completely, but the reliance has to end somewhere. ha i say all this but ended up having two cups yesterday, with relish. damn. at least the intention is there, and is good, despite the lack of will power. surely? the only thing is that i cant ever seem to wake up as a result; the waking up i know has nothing to do with the coffee (well a little perhaps) but it takes a couple of hours in the morning these days for me to be fully functional, perky, and productive. I'm turning into a morning zombie, hence the healthy changes I'm trying to do to make a difference; no coffee, lemon water, EXERCISES to the radio before i leave bedroom. the world is turning into a strange and weird place.

"A month can go by just like that. i could barely remember anything i'd done the whole month. sometimes it felt as if i'd done a lot, sometimes as if i hadn't accomplished a thing. it was only when the man came aat the end of the month to collect money for the newspaper delivery that i realsied a whole month had flown past. I'm not trying to make some profound statement here, but i would venture to say this:
That's life.
So anyhow, a month zipped by."
haruki murakami- a good day to see kangaroos.

thats how i feel about my entire life these days. too much time passing me by far too quickly. we're in mid march already for godsake, and ive barely got my feet on the ground to start running, but the year is simply faster than me. sigh. so much to do, so much time wasted, so much time slips past. perhaps its just monday blues, or perhaps a consequence of all the champagne i had yesterday for my mama's birthday, but it just feels like time is getting the better of me, and its a rip off. all action stations full steam ahead now, otherwise i'll simply be left behind, and really will still be doing my thesis when thirty.
on the up side- i got my mama a small exercise trampoline for her birthday present; she been trying to get fit again, but doesnt have much free time (theres that problem again) to go running, so i thought bouncing in front of the tv before dinner could be just as effective. and damn its fun. so i plan to do much giggling and jumping fun time this week, as well as finish another chapter- there we go, monday morning and ive got goals for the week already set into action. maybe there is hope!

oh no.

sorrow time. it looks like, umm, at almost 24, eerr, with an almost masters under my belt, umm, i have to face the difficult disgusting reality of my situation; which is broke assed, eternal student life. thus, as a result of no finished thesis just yet, pending debt, and no recent job offers, it looks like its back to waitressing. hell, right now, any cash is good cash. oh god help me.