a plain stupid story

because of the renovations going on at home, there is only the driveway for all of us to park our cars, so every evening there is a mission to get different cars out and rearrange the order. i seem to come home earliest from work, just after 5, but am the only one who really goes out at night, so whenever i go out its a massive struggle to get my bleeding car out and re-park the others and blah blah. so last night, the same thing happened, and my dad offered me to take his car, the last one in the driveway, rather than mission to reorganise everything. i love this, as its a rad car to drive, is comfortable, air con, power steering, and mostly a cd player so i can actually play some nice tunes while driving. i went to a friends place, had a couple of drinks, very chilled and nothing too hectic or boozey or crazy whatsoever. the others were all off to burn, but i was tired, still delicate from hang over, and worried about parking my dads car around burn, so decided to be a good girl and leg it home for an early and responsible evening. stupid me; i should have known that doing something stupid like that would lead me into trouble. i got the superhotjoy cd the other day, and was loving listening to it on the drive home, so took the longer route so as to listen to the whole cd. while singing along, i must have over-steered on the power steering that I'm not so used to, turned the corner to start on the home stretch and drove over a little curb. i got a fright, pulled over to check the car, but assumed that it wouldn't be too bad, as was little bump, wasn't going fast at all etc. oh no. not my luck. never my luck. cant hide my fuck ups ever. no, the tyre had burst instead. small hole ripped in the side wall of the tyre and the whole thing flat. so instead of being proud of myself for being good and bed early and all that, i had to leg it home (carefully in case fucked car even further) and then explain to a very pissed off father that i had burst his tyre. shit. not impressed would be understatement. had to change tyre to put on spare, tried to say it was pothole or something, or umm..something, but he wasn't buying it.
so now, not only do i have to pay for the large parking fine i got the other day, but looks like i'll have to put something towards getting new tyre for daddy dearest. so stupid. next time i drive my car, with no music, and no singing, and certainly no bloody power steering. i hate that horrible hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach. bugger.

mid morning, mid hangover confusion

loi dont get it. why does spam come through? what possible reason, explanation, function or purpose does a letter like this get sent and comes through to my email account...i dont think i will ever understand spam. thats spam, spam spam, eggs and ham. why i ask you, why.

she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine Of course in the end Wendy let them fly away together. Our last Gallows Hill, in old witch times, should now be considered too and its single meeting-house pointing up a tall spire in the midst; inhabitants suited to such a town, glittering in icy garments, with It was like this, Wendy said, trying to imitate Peters crow. had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few their first babes, though pillowed so long on their bosoms. Many had spring-cleaning time, except when he forgets, Peter comes for Margaret Yes, you do, says Jane, you see when you were a little girl. hateful sympathy in our secret souls. His education, indeed, in the We indeed. cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end She generally gave herself very good advice, though she very old age, and at the end she had been rather difficult to get on spheres; the northern lights threw their mysterious glare far over the Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse: because I have not much to hope or fear, was driven by stronger or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to performances on them, by any but the legitimate medium, through the turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast, she very soon finished those who died so wrongfully, and, without a coffin or a prayer, short period, when it puts forth a profusion of yellow blossoms. At hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to messages for a rabbit. I suppose Dinahll be sending me on when they met again Wendy was a married woman, and Peter was no more trodden places of their hearts, and found the well-spring of their overlaid with gold, or covered with a glory of sunshine, even sombre mood was tinged by theirs. With now a merry word and next a sad patience of a man with blood upon his hand The corpse therefore Why, said the Dodo, the best way to explain it is to do it. Cold Spring, nor to the rude shores and old batteries of the Neck, nor The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, nowhere to be seen-everything seemed to have changed since her Yes, so do I. What was the last thing Peter ever said to you? But he supposed she was; and he took a step towards the sleeping I intended to throw a ghostly glimmer round the reader, so that his

aragahagahhhh

head too sore. too tired to think straight. god I'm not loving the world today. was wondering what the vice-like grip on my head was just now, thinking my god, thins hang over thing is kak, and hurts, but no, just the sunglasses i forgot were on my head for the last half an hour. the pain has decreased, but not as fundamentally as i would have hoped. goddamn.
take good advice from one who knows; never, ever think that an irish coffee at 2 in the morning is a good idea.

kind of gross

durbs looks like a bowl o' pollution this morning. things arent so pretty, when covered in a strange layer of grey stuff that wont move. sis. needless to say the walk to work and looking at the beautiful view wasnt really all that rad this morning.

wild west

I've always been aware of crime and know that we have pretty bad stats in this country, I'm constantly vigilant, and conscious about where i park, walk, go out etc, but at the same time, its something that happens everywhere in the world, and is a constant no matter where you go, so i always tried to keep an open easy mind about it, and despite having bad experiences, never really let it get to me.. lately, however, it seems to have become so pervasive and free-for-all that its totally out of control, and is beginning to really scare me. gun slinging wild west shit, where everywhere is open territory and everyone is out to get you.
when you cant even go out to a public restaurant, without having something happen to you, things have become clearly warped. my heart broke when i heard yesterday when i heard that someone had been murdered in st tropez, a little restaurant in musgrave, by armed robbers while at his friends 30th birthday party on Saturday night. what?! i read the newspaper article on it this morning, only to discover that two other places, right down the road from me, and that i frequent, have been hit and robbed several times in the last few weeks too. what the fuck is going on in a society, that these events are becoming common place, and accepted norms? you're going to have to take a glock with you to dinner, just to have a peaceful evening out on the town?!
I've got to the stage where i don't know what to do or say about it anymore. i mean, what is the solution? stay in your strong room, locked away under ground at home? these are well lit, open places, in full view of residential and pedestrian traffic, in well established neighbourhoods etc, and yet there are people with big enough balls, egos or guns, I'm not sure which, but that they can brazenly walk into a place like that and take over?!
... I'm stumped. the news about Saturday really shattered me, i don't really know what the solution is anymore. it hurts as this place is too amazing...blue Monday as a consequence.

big smiles

i love getting the phone call that invites me to an impromptu lunch away from the office on someone else's expense. woop woop. got spoilt to lunch with the mama yesterday, so ja didn't end up going back to the office afterwards, as just didn't feel the energy or the inclination to bother with work. and lunch only ended after 3..totally impractical to try and work then, right?
the down side of that, is have much more to catch up on today, and for some reason I'm well tired, and my fingers aren't functioning on the keyword as well as they should be; carpal tunnel starting, or the weather just ain't warming up. got to defrost the fingers.

long walks and cold toes

the parking situation at the university is fucked. absolutely ridiculous. i should actually just leave the car home and walk to work each day, but by the time 5 comes, and its home time, my god am i glad to simply get into my little motor, out of the cold and the dark, and drive right to my front door. god its be crazy cold here. Ive done Europe in winter, joburg etc, some bloody cold places, but the last few days have taken me by surprise on just how cold Durbs can be. i think it doesn't help i barely move much these days; sitting typing for hours behind a desk at my computer isn't conducive to warmth and good blood flow and all those nice things. getting to the tea room and back with coffee i don't think quite qualifies as exercise either! so in a way, I'm grateful for the long walk from my office to my car; its about the only times these days when the blood gets pumped around, and a small, modicum of warmth begins to creep into the toes. the best part is the actual walkway itself though; there is a massive bank of indigenous bush to the one side of me, that makes strange noises and calls when strolling past it. its made me giggle at strangenesses every time. and to my left, the bank slopes sharply downhill and allows me the grand visa of the sun setting over the shacklands, the pavilion, and the rest of those random suburbs on that side of time; like westville. Tuesday was particularly amazing; each hill and layer was a different colour, making each one stand out on its own, and give the overall impression of a 3D painting. everything was massively textured, with a huge cloud causing the sunset to radiate through it, all reds and silvers.
sjoe. after starting at a computer screen, its small things these days that make me happy, and I'm tending to find myself going a tad overboard on how pretty nature and this foreign land called the outdoors can be. ha. getting office fever already. at least my claim for money went in yesterday; now its the fun wait while the ancient, painful cogs of the system begin to turn, and give me my salary. it'll probably come around just in time to buy Christmas presents. har har.

a small rant

so last night, as i got home, oh so ready to relax on the couch for a little while soaking in some crap on tv, unwind from a long day and then move on to taking a nice long bath to warm the cold toes that had slowly frozen over the long, very cold day...the lights go out. power cut in the whole neighbourhood. it always seems to be our neighbourhood, but only our half of it, as my neighbours to the right always are glowing and gloating in their fun electricity time, while we face endless cuts. next time I'm totally putting an extension cable across the fence. i had a birthday party to go to, so quickly dashed to shower (by candle light) while there was still hot water in the geyser.
2 hours later, the lights were still out, and i had to get fetched by a friend as my car was totally parked in, gate wasn't working, never mind that i couldn't see a fucking thing.
at about 1 this morning, when i came back in, stumbling from party, lights were still off, so had to negotiate house in darkness, find and light candles so could brush teeth, well find toothbrush first, pyjamas, grab extra quilt to hold off the freezing while sleeping etc.
at 8.30 when i woke up this morning lights were still off, so woke late due to cellphone battery dying last night, no electricity to charge it by, and no radio alarm clock to wake me, again due to the 18 HOURS OF FUCKING BLACKOUT. needless to say i am not a happy chappy this morning.
by around 9.15 am, the gracious people at eskom were kind enough to fix whatever problem had taken them said number of hours to fix, and it came on again, just in time for me to grab a quick shower before heading to work (late) only for them to go off again 10 minutes later (once i had quickly up some washing in so i could actually have some clean clothes).
nice. real nice.
half an hour later they came back on, as i was running out the door, but hell who the fuck knows if they'll be on when i get back later. and it would happen on the coldest fucking day of the year, and when my mum buys a heater for the house.
har har. just to add cherry on the top, i've had to do timesheets all morning, and my web browser wont let me access facebook for some unknown reason today; it worked yesterday, but is flat out denying me today.
rad. fucking great i say.
jesus. is this a karma kick back for something i did once and didn't atone for? like breathe?

oh and the rat ate all the poison, but now i dont know where it is, or whether its dying slowly like in my couch somewhere. hey, aint life a gem.

a silly tale

so two friends arrange to meet for a catch up coffee on Friday afternoon. on their way, in their respective cars, to meet one another, they ring just to make sure the other is on time, and that the arrangement is still in progress and so on. oh, cool, so I'll see you there. yeah, brilliant, I'll be there in around ten minutes. oh rad, me too. they both pull onto the off ramp, which will take them to their destination, while still on the phone, and promptly crash straight into... one another.
its times like that, that i have to laugh, and my appreciation for my friends grows ever so slightly, due to the amusement and entertainment they provide me. that i know two people smart enough to crash into each other is just delightful.
winter started today. my god, actually it started at around 4 this morning, when i woke up freezing and had to put more warmy jams on, and snuggle into my duvet further than i thought possible. I'm already seeking out sun spots to sit in and gather some warmth for my coffee breaks at work. its jersey, soup and warm porridge weather again; something that brings glee to my heart.

grossness

i awoke, bright and early (despite being well tired due to late sleep, little sleep, and waking up several times coughing), went through to organise all my stuff for work, only to find the most wonderful surprise on my desk. the apple i had in my bag (lunch not eaten) had been mauled, as had the hessian bag it was in (a really nice expensive one) and the bits and pieces were strewn all over my desk. a few weeks ago we realised we had a rat problem in the house; it seemed to be just one, but was determined to eat anything and everything in its path, including my silicone baking trays. now, oh lucky, lucky me, it seems to have left the kitchen of the main house, and migrate up the garden to reside in my little flat. the fucking thing ate most of the apple! not to mention the bag it went through to get it. not to mention the little bot of half eaten, disease ridden food it left around the place. i have never felt so ill, so grossed out, and repulsed in awhile. my flat is totally open plan, with very little storage or hiding space, and thus its freaking the bejesus out of me where in gods name that little cretin is hiding and making residence. eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww. and there's nothing to separate my bedroom, or to keep me safe and removed from the vermin. help?! why my house i ask you. its super clean, i never leave food around (except for said stupid apple) but according to its history, this thing is going to eat anything, so now what? i may just be sick everywhere if we have to resort to those humane traps (means I'll have to see it?!) or even worse poison.... goddamn, didn't think rats were really such a big problem anymore, since like, i don't know, they spread the plague- now that sucker is going down.

quote

desire is rapid as the postal system is slow. these delays in the mail make my letters obsolete at their creation, make whatever i write wrong. for even as i write, taking up each of the points in your last letter, there already exists a subsequent letter from you, written in response to the last one received by me, saying something else. as i write, there is already a new letter from you which i have not read. the letter god is sporting with us. our letters cross, but our limbs do not.
susan sontag: the letter scene.

this is probably one of the most beautiful short stories that i've read in a long time, and it happens to be in a fantastic book of them. they make me smile when reading before bed.

word of the day

con·flu·ence /ˈkɒnfluən/ [kon-floo-uhns]
–noun
1. a flowing together of two or more streams, rivers, or the like: the confluence of the Missouri and Mississippi rivers.
2. their place of junction: St. Louis is at the confluence of the Missouri and Mississippi rivers.
3. a body of water formed by the flowing together of two or more streams, rivers, or the like.
4. a coming together of people or things; concourse.
5. a crowd or throng; assemblage.

my life is simply too rock and roll that i now get interested by new words, and thus far, its been that and tea have been the highlights of my day. I'm slower than expected today; i blame too much good food and booze this weekend due to family time meals with parents and brother, and the stupid retrial of a no coffee spell again. too much is a mere understatement; the leg of lamb was almost as big as me. it was a great mini-break, despite barely leaving the house much and spending much family time; has made me ready for another week of work. woop woop.

young love

there is a large group of first years that sit underneath the window of my office all day. i walk past them on my way in to work, and they're still sitting around, talking shit and eating pies from the tent down the way when i leave to go home. they amuse me, in a nostalgic way of how much free time i seemed to have in those days, how much crap we could talk in a day, and then do it all over again the next, and simply how cool we thought we were. the older, more wizened and busy me gets pissed off on occasion; how can they simply do fuck nothing all day, and be noisy and lame right under my window where I'm working. but they're still fun. each day i walk past, there's a sweet little couple against them, so indie/ alternative (although dressed by truthworths) with their skinny jeans, stripey tops and little takis... and so in love, that this morning they were actually sitting on top of one another, as though they simply couldn't get close enough, with their heads together whispering about how to take over the world i suppose. either that or how 'rad' and 'awesome' the other was. what do you talk about back then; the ills of capitalism? how existential the world is? all those wonderful emotional things that the beginning year of varsity fills your head with. I'm barely older than them, and it seems (well almost was) just yesterday that i was in that position; never the sitting on boyfriends lap one, heh, but rather the greater first year lifestyle. and yet despite this almost regardless age gap, i feel totally removed from them, in a good sense, like I'm watching a social experiment, and am so goddamn glad I'm not forced to be a participant. its sweet really. then i run away and hide in my little hole in the wall.
like i said before, its strange being on campus again.
that and i walked all the way to get a student parking disk, only to realise that after 3 years of owning my car, i have absolutely no idea what my licence disk number is, and had to walk sheepishly all the way back to my office. so it'll have to to done again tomorrow, but this time, I'll write it down before hand. i think i was a genius in another life, and now I'm paying for being so smart previously.

blowing in the wind

oh, some things change, some for the better, some for the worse, while others just stay the same. I'm happy to report that things are changing for the better in these parts i call home and life. the good trade winds are blowing my way. hot damn but was I miss productivity today; it feels great to be a functioning member of normal society again, rather than cooped up at home, slowly loosing my marbles. list of today's achievements (they may seem small and insignificant or inconsequential to others, but they made me grin all day):
*all my student card woes and logins are remedied (meaning i can actually get into campus without being harassed that I'm not registered)
*as was my office computer; i now have fully functioning computer, with internet connection, just for little old me.
*i completed the first of many of the interviews i am to transcribe over the next month or so, and emailed it away (thus looking good and shiny to new 'boss')
*i wrote over 7 new and interesting papers for chapter 2, thus making it almost complete (it will be by week's end)
*and the cherry on the top, when i left my office to get coffee this afternoon, there's my little name on the door. sigh, a place to call my own.
so due to all these little things, i finally feel like i belong somewhere, that varsity isn't this scary unknown and foreign land, and i am actually meant to be there; its a good feeling. think my supervisor is going to be impressed by this sudden productivity increase and dedication to something that no one thought would ever be completed (including me). goddamn, and its only tuesday; just think what i can achieve by the end of the week?!

sniff.

a woeful tale of a lost dream, or perhaps simply a long neglected one. audience/ reader stats from this blog; ha, oh that endless fall downwards towards zero.
it has been a strange day; I've started working at varsity, as research assistant (lackey) for a lecturer again, but at least this time, i have a little office, with functional computer and view of courtyard, thus allowing me some space (literal and otherwise) to work away, dream away and drinking endless coffee in. i covered more than expected today, which is helpful, and i think (at least i hope) that it will be very good for me in terms of getting cracking on the final home stretch of finishing this stupid seemingly endless thesis. at least it allows me space to work in, to differentiate home/work/play time better than i was doing (very badly especially with builders around doing renovations to the house making me run away and play out all the time; oh I'm good with excuses). its just strange being back on campus really; feels like i haven't really grown much since i first got there at 17, like I'm still that little person, not in a bad way, just it hasn't changed so doesn't really allow me to feel differently to it. despite all the years I've been part of it, i still don't feel i belong there; like someone is going to discover I'm an impostor and figure out i know nothing! amusing. least i have my little room to lock myself away in; its quite nice having a base again. so here's to productivity, work and gainful employment again. the only down side (or perhaps the one that will give me the kick in the arse i need) of working back in the department again is that I'm forced to see m supervisor every day, and he's already grilled me on why I'm dragging my heals with the work.. damn.

woohoo

its champagne friday today, in belated celebration of one friends birthday and future celebration of anothers. need i say more?! and i have gainful employment for the next two months through varsity, so smiles all the way. looks like good weekend on the horizon.

sjoe (again)

so it seems that the mood swings, weight changes, slightly lost feeling, is all down to the awesome fact that my hormones are totally out of balance. sigh, but at least it aint all me going crazy again. ha ha. the doctor did many a test, and all should be in order shortly. i like her advice though; just leave it and it'll work itself out. awesome i dont have to pump my body full of strange foreign things again, but.. what if it doesnt self-correct? hmm.
all this and i now have a major cold. it sure is a joy trying to sleep when it feels like a small gremlin is trying to climb through your nasal passages to wreek revenge on you and the world. bugger. seems my body is teaching me a lesson for all the abuse and hell i give it. im taking action finally, am attempting to be good (healthy eating, limited coffee and booze, enoguh sleep) but its baby steps all the way; especially when the temptation of crawling back under the sheets is simply too strong. as long as i think positively and believe im better, i will be, right? i watched the secret yesterday, think it went in alittle too directly. ha. now if i could just focus enough on that new job and lots of money, all will be well in the world. i kid, i tease.
think the flu tablets are finally working and making me a little dilly. definitely bed time again.