the world is a sick, twisted place

the good news: its finally payday. the best day in the world has arrived, and it feels fantastic. i got an email from our secretary at work to say i must come to pick up my cheque this morning and ive never dressed and bolted to work faster. at first i was rather suprised by a cheque, but hell any form of money is fine by me i reckoned and promptly ran over to the bank to deposit the beauty. i was beaming in the queue awaiting the moment when that bundle of goodness is entered into my account.

the bad news: is that due to it be an actual pay 'cheque', the bank teller wonderfully informed me that cheques are deposited directly into my account, but they take 7 working days to clear. that means 7 DAYS WITHOUT ACCESS TO MY SALARY. jesus christ its not like ive waited long enough for this, now its another week!? sick, fucked up world. i hate the bank for having to take 7 DAYS to clear cheques, my work for giving me the cheque (i mean who doesnt do direct transfers these days?!) and the world for being just such a TWISTED place.
so all in all, waking up on payday was fantastic, but it actually has no direct bearing on my existance, as i still cant do anything (ie shop, eat, have fun and generally enjoy life) due to the fact that i still have absolutely no cash. i feel the need to kill something; i think i'll settle for gorging myself on the weird 'earth cakes' i made last night. so i cant even celebrate that its payday; its just another day where i wasted my morning standing in bank queues; woohoo. i getting more bitter by the minute. i was thinking of striking in protest, but infortunately my boss wont be happy with that, and my deadlines wont change at all. BUGGER.

its not that im a material girl | its just that i live in a || material world (and i like being an active member of it)

i think

situation now: i think im getting to terms with this whole working girl thing. i wake up on time these days, even manage to fit in some stretches and take all my vitamins, attend all my meetings, do productive work, and so on as the story goes. im still really suprised and shocked by this whole thing, as not terribly long along i was only waking up half way through the day, never mind doing anything productive for the rest of it.

i fear: however despite all of this positivity im trying to spoon feed myself, with the work mounting on my desk, i want a holiday. and i mean a real one; changed landscape, tourist photo posing and all. im going to paulpietersburg next week, think i can use that as holiday break?!

today: i had to register for varsity. i am only registering for second thesis, luckily no courses (as they're all finished!) so it was smooth and painless. the best ive had in my six years at that place. its funny how things change though; i see all these young first years sitting around, doing nothing, lounging on the grass and all.. and thought "go do something productive with your time you useless beings". did i really think that? there are so many of them, and they look so young and lost; was i really one of them so recently?! god i would kill for that again. sigh.

it shows| how bitter|| im getting in my old age

and yes, the count down for pay day is almost over: simply 2 more days to go.. my god the sushi is calling my name. i fear i may have a heart attack when i see that bank balance. my little account wont know what to do with itself, after being empty and barren for so long.

technology

so i was playing and downloading some new widgets for my apple dashboard: for those clueless as to what im talking about- you can dowload these little programmes, some games, other for the weather etc to pop up on your computer.. im really bad at describing it but who cares. so playing around on the apple site, and foung one for "blogger"- so now i can post without having to log in through a browser or anything. not that amazing, but fun none the less- just a short cut really. so this is a try out post from the widget to see if it works or should be trashed. ive been in my pyjamas all day- i love weekends, but fear its shower time soon, before my family disowns me, or the couch rebels and gets up and walks away from me.

im getting| very lame|| about gadgets and technology|| i actually got excited about this

additional update

forgot to add this earlier: i have more hair. woohoo. have decided against the use of bob martins, following the conversation i had with shanna, when we decided the likelihood of it making all my bodily hair grow. not a welcome feature so am going to stay AWAY. although am wishing for it to grow faster: its the main, dominating feature in my daily evening prayers. ha. look slightly freakish in the last picture- beady eyes.

small victories

so i have discovered over time that there are, in fact, numerous joys to not working in the office. one came to light this morning. i had dinner and long ridiculous chats with my favourite girls last night, where we ended up eating loads of the best home made pizzas and consuming a magnum of wine, that delicious checkers special of 1.5 litres of super good loving, reading with numerous bouts of giggles our horoscopes (and those of our men! too lame i know but hours of fun spent mostly laughing at the expense of their traits).. however i had my weekly feedback session, aka staff meeting, at 8 am this morning, where all my colleges and myself discuss our respective projects and the progress that has occured on those, and comment etc. you get the picture. so needless to explain, i was rather slow and tired when awaking this morning, remembering my meeting. the joy of a) living down the road from the office, and b) knowing i dont have to be there all day, came in when getting reading for said meeting. got out of bed at 7.35 am and proceeded to prance around and get ready: brushed teeth, showered, did hair (what there is of it), got dressed and literally pranced listening to fun 'wolf parade' to wake me up. all this fun and excitement so early, and i still managed to make it to work in time to be early, the only one presence and ready, and to make a cup of coffee before the meeting! woohoo! however i did manage to set off the alarm, by accidently pushing the panic button innstead of the gate control at work; which wasnt that good, but amusing to me! but then could leave said office after the meeting (and my boss happy with me, and maybe even a possible job for my dad.. strange morning i tell you) and come home for slow morning of breakfast, email fun and blogging. all this in a morning. and payday is next week. my, my, the world is getting to be a happier place indeed. oh and the girls and i are going to try and be extras in a movie they're making in durbs, which apparently has some famous holleywood star in it- theyre looking for 'youthful' people: pretty sure at 22 i fit that bill i reckon?! but more to follow on that later, once we've actually done something about it!

look at me| getting || good at this work thing

amusements

i wish, on a regular basis, that i had a camera permanently attached to me, but today in particular. saw some things that would have been beautiful in picture form today. on my way to anf from my meeting (which was a breeze- think my boss was being mellodramatic) and saw some wonderful things: like DENNY trucks with "please pass the mushrooms" written in in what looked like handwriting, which was overtaken by "ARB electrical suppliers". perhaps it was the early hour of the meeting, or the distance in time since my last cup of coffee, but it was wildly amusing to me. my favourite however, came this evening, when i stopped at the shops to pick up some dinner. as i was walking into checkers, i passed this overweight, greasy, kin of trashy guy, with versace written in bold letters across his stained, yellow tshirt.
too classy | for his own good || or mine.

urg.

went to sleep at 11.30 last night, early by my general standards, and awoke at around 8.30 this morning. now despite this marathon sleeping session, usually i get perhaps 6 hours or so, im exhausted this morning. and dont say its over sleeping, cause thats harely that much sleep and ive barely had any in the last few days.
perhaps: its all just catching up to me. and have my first big meeting tomorrow for work, where i have to present what we've been doing to our clients/ stakeholders, and i cant barely see straight im so tired.
been listening: to a great sounding band "hotel lights" from 3hive, also "the jimmy cake" who i narrowly missed seeing when i was in dublin, but friends rave lots about (almost as crazy as polyphonic, just a few less people): nice stuff.
perhaps: i need coffee. and/ or to leave town again and go back down the coast to relax in the sun on the beach. who needs attention span and focus then. it was a great weekend full of magic chocolate muffins that made me giggle lots. sigh. good times.

as evident| my attention isnt on work|| which is problematic to say the least

enough is enough you would think

jesus i hate the suburbs. there is constant maintenance and upgrading and construction going on, as thought every single one of my neighbours is big into self improvement. working from home, this isnt fun, nor amuzing and certainly as said before, NOT CONDUCIVE TO GETTING ANYTHING DONE. this is not helpful or useful as i have a major deadline to complete by monday 3 pm meeting, and i am going away this weekend, and so NEED TO WORK. however this small, insignificant feature of my life called gainful employment is being rudely interrupted and disturbed today, and not because i play on the internet too much. no, no today is different- instead its chainsaw time, with several million gardeners having a field day with shovels, loud convo and, as mentioned above, CHAINSAWS and endless DRILLING. as you can see by the repeated use of the CAPS LOCK key, i am getting increasingly frustrated and annoyed by this. how the fuck i am meant to get my basic report done by MONDAY with this craziness going on around me. there arent enough trees in my neighbourhood for this much chainsawing, nor pavement and road combined for the amount of drilling it sounds like- the wonderful presence of jack hammering is music to my ears. either that or my neighbour is going in for mutilating his family and chopping them into small pieces. hmm. im just desperate for it to stop- it may have to entail me doing something drastic like, oh i dont know, LEAVE THE HOUSE, but that would be dangerous as would end up going out for lunch or something and getting absolutely NO WORK DONE. even earphones and loud music isnt making it go away. oh wait, some angle grinding has just started up to add to the orchestral sounds of glenwood. i reckon however that my boss will be totally understanding when i explain the situation to him on monday as to why my report consists of a few swear words and "SHUT THE FUCK UP" repeating their way through..

i think: it would be better to use| "the dog ate my homework"|| and that i should stop using CAPS LOCK.

too much of heat

things i hate: beside work or being productive in any way or form at any time (in general things that get me out of bed and away from my latest book piss me off, unless its in the form of pronutro) its doing all that on very little sleep and ever so slightly hung over. never a fun thing, i tell you.

remedy: take clever friends advice and never, ever go to burn (especially with the intention of drowning one's sorrows, as well as others) but particularly when one has said work deadlines the next day.

considering all of this: im still tired, of not more so than when i woke this morning with tongue stuck on roof of mouth, and bloated from lunch (thinking a good pig-out could cure anything, however said theory not true) but managed to get most of deadline down and emailed through to slightly grumpy, strange boss, although i think he may not be terribly impressed with me. i cant really believe that i still havent learnt the self control to stop this form of behaviour. dont they say that insanity is doing something repeatedly and expecting different results each time? god help me then. too much of my life seems to revolve around this, and most of it is beyond my direct control.

still considering: giving this thing up. i havent got over the "wow this is weird and ever so slightly creepy" feeling of having a blog, and publishing my thoughts to whoever is bored enough to read them. not sure its conducive to productive behaviour, particularly said working environment (not that i really care, or that work environ is so protected and treasured but merely gives me something to complain about)

thought| why cant things be easier as they go along|| it would make me happier

that day.

so i decided this year to have an anti valentines day: seeing as the only person i would want to spend today with is several thousand kilometres away from me, im not exactly in festive valentines mood. hell and its a day for pure cheese and silly things: every day should be filled with romance and declarations of love, flowers, crap and badly written love poetry and so on. there shouldnt have to be s specific day in the year where you get to declare your heart to someone special. so i was reading so really funny websites dedicated to anti valentines and thought i'd spread the love...Valentine's Day is like herpes: just when you think its gone for good, it rears its ugly head once more. No wonder some people prefer to call it VD. This year, don't say it with flowers: say it with bile.
"nothing says i love you like saturated fat and slutty lingerie"

all that rubbish being said, i was grinning like a mad thing when i received my roses this morning: sigh, alas they werent tulips, but hey red is the colour of love, and roses.. they were great. so a special happy valentine's to my valentine, bear:


ha and my little daisy plant has produced its second flower ever: and right today, so even that is pretty good timing.

ag.

problem: i have just received a new project for work.
so from now on, i have two 'babies' that i am in charge of. poor, poor communities who have me as their development economist; i think they got screwed without even knowing it. the problem is now that my work load increases dramatically, just as i was getting used to the idea of not really doing much just yet while my project was getting on its feet and barely starting up. damn now i really have to pretend that i know what im doing, and actually attempt to do some work, not just play on the internet doing "research" (i.e playing on blog and reading others) all day long. i have to be productive and rise early and set myself tasks and deadlines and all. sigh. i love the thought of the pay check that will come soon (well first of next month) but now the reality of having to actually work for it has set in. sigh. im part of the real world now; not that strange false illusion of reality created by university and student life (where you can have 3 month holiday breaks without stress, and not really do that much work and get away with it very easily- or was that just the way i studied?!). im going to miss it; well until the money starts coming in, after that, not so much.

i fear: i drank too much coffee and havent eaten lunch yet, as im shaking like a leaf. not a good thing when you are attempting to fake concentration and productive thought.
i think: that its lunch time. woohoo. that frot cucumber is looking good from here.

life's always a changin'

changed the look again. and came to the serious decision that im going to stop the blue from now on. at least the problem of the limited screen real estate is resolved, as dire and tragic as it was. well here's to new times and different blog scenery. think i get too bored too quickly; i fear its a major design fault in my hard wiring. as i said before though im really keen for bed.. strange but true: there comes a point in every bloggers life when you have to say fuck the blog and continue with reality, simple events such as bedtime need to take priority over this shit. night all.

fun in the sun

had a picnic in the park and heavy relaxing on the beach today- all in an amazingly beautiful and almost too perfect a summer's day today. there's a place on the beach opened called the beach club on bay of plenty.. where you can finally buy beer and drink it in public and in the sand. needless to say it rocks. situation now: I'm very tired. had really bad night last night, where i slept in the house rather than in my flat, as im convinced i saw someone in my garden while i was watching tv. something that got the blood pumping far too quickly in my system. it was strange as i was watching hamlet; a story that already i love and intrigues me, and it was a particular scene where hamlet is talking to the ghost of his dead father. i saw a movement by the garage, and immediately thought how powerful and weird my imagination was, that the story was impacting on my vision and making me hallucinate like hamlet too. well it wasn't my imagination nor was it hallucinations, it was most definitely someone who must have had the biggest balls ever to come and check out my house- it was early, around 11 pm, all our lights and doors were open, and he was strolling around the garden. it was a really strange experience; i have only been in a few experiences like this where i can feel my heart and the world stop for a while. only a few seconds later does the adrenaline kick in and everything speeds up again. it all turned out fine, and rather funny looking back on it- my father (who was asleep as a log the whole time) and i, with torches and bobbyknockers missioning around the garden, with not a soul in sight. no matter how crazy i am, there's no way that was the power of my imagination. hence: the need today for lots of relaxing and summer fun; mainly to attempt my heart to beat quietly in rhythm again. it was a perfect summer day today. we can only hold thumbs that it'll be the same tomorrow, which enables us to repeat (with the utmost pleasure) the same procedures as today (same procedures every year james). all that fun and excitement tired me out; luckily again i came home to fresh fillet and great dinners, but which added to the exhaustion evident now. im off to bed; my duvet and book are calling me name, gently in the background. i fear there is nothing to be done but listen to that gentle siren call. i couldn't wish for more.

hunger

i dont feel like posting but the guilt and obligation of having this blog made me. although i dont have much to write: worked all day and was trying, and failing to set up my flickr account.. and another shutterfly account to load some photos for friends to share- there constantly seems to be something wrong, however i fear that mostly comes from my side, not theirs. ha. and there's still no food in the house. one lonely frot cucumber doesn't count. dammit. going out now- and not to scrounge for food. a band called "city bowl misers" are playing at gateway tonight: a friend of mine carmen has been raving about them for ages so pretty interested in seeing them. and my granny seems to be going mad, and turning into an alcoholic. oh the joys of life hey. jesus.

problems

i think i spend far too much time playing on the blog than working- i fear that it is going to be one of the major defaults of working from home: i spend all my time playing with the internet, rather than researching the interesting dynamics of local economic development, and finding out the economic trends and opportunities of the edumbe municipality- all rivetting things i can tell you. although today i did learn about micheal porter's 5 point analysis system for investigating competitive markets, and the intricacies of gantt charts. the rock star life. at least it was all from the comforts of my bed. ha, the only benefit.

cheese, rather lame but funny.

changed the picture- wanted to play with the layout of the site, still debating whether it looks good or not- and thought the other one makes more sense in my sidebar- seeing as i dont have a profile section, its funnier.

it seems to be the rage.

meme:
1 : an idea, belief or belief system, or pattern of behavior that spreads throughout a culture either vertically by cultural inheritance (as by parents to children) or horizontally by cultural acquisition (as by peers, information media, and entertainment media)
4 : in blogspeak, an idea that is spread from blog to blog
from urbandictionary.com

now i wasn’t tagged or requested to do this- simply for the obvious reason that about four people in the world know a) that my blog exists and b) actually bother to read it (on occasion me hopes)- however despite this silly inconsequential fact of not being made to do this, or forced to pass it on- i wanted to none the less: if purely for the reason that every bloody blog i read has done so, and i feel the petty need to be part of the cool crowd. Never mind the fact that I’m mindlessly bored and its either this or work. so here...

4 jobs i've held
• food prep/ cashier at amos cole- where i had to wear cream trousers, tartan braces, a blue short about 300 x too big for me, and a beige hat as part of the uniform
• manager/ sales assistant at second hand book store, bookworms- probably the best job ive ever had, as could sit on my ass, drink endless coffee with chocolate biscuits and read all day long: with a warm cat on my lap to keep me entertained
• clothing sales assistant- urban outfitters (most boring and financially unrewarding job ive ever held)
• one day temp job at dental clinic in dublin: where four of the dentists had similar, if not the same surnames- try that in irish accents while doing switchboard

4 .. or 3 places i've lived:
• durbs by the sea all my life (i blame that entirely on studying for far too long)
• tiniest town in italy, borso, for a month
• dublin for 2 months

4 places ive holiday-ed
• botswana- four long weeks of camping around the entire country
• london- too crazy
• italy- too beautiful
• around ireland- too wet/ cold (yet some parts- too amazing)
4 movies I could watch forever
• amelie
• a very long engagement (the end gets me every time)
• ferris beuller’s day off
• run lola run.. or finding nemo.. or Donnie darko.. so tricky to chose just four

4 sites i visited very day
too many but again i'll limit
• boys in montana to check the antics
• dooce
• straybomb- check for updated news and/ or gossip
• my own (to check any comments left- lame i know- there never really are many/ any!)
• seeing as the above one doesn’t count.. it would have to be 3hive or uncrate.. music or cheesy gadgets: so hard to choose.

4 tv show I love to watch
• the simpsons
• six feet under
• the west wing
• blush but *isidingo*
• (another blush but when available ie access to dstv: “one tree hill”- theres something about cheesy teen dramas/ local soaps that gets me)

4 places i'd rather be (couch where im currently sitting doesnt count)
• in bed with my book: its rainy and cold today so snuggled with coffee under my duvet- and im craving cake/ baked goods so there would have to be some
• in mexico drunk on tequila with friends- preferably on some great private beach, no one but us
• montana
• in this tiny hidden seafood restaurant that won my heart in venice (i'd sell my soul to have that clam pasta again- although with the bill i'd probably have to)

4, nay 5 of my favourite dishes- this is by the far hardest to limit
• jon & my famous sandwich combinations (the entire ciabatta was the best)
• spiga d’oro’s pasta della roma- creamyish, with pesto pasta, with grilled peppers and chicken (and so much garlic) oh and a focaccia to start with
• SUUUUUUUUUSHI
• chicken korma with lots of naan bread
• umm funny but last one would have to actually be my daily bowl of pronutro or oats.. I do love breakfast: or a Sunday morning late fry-up.

4.. well some im tagging with the continuation on this- tricky seeing as I could count the people I know with blogs.. on say three fingers.
• jon and montana boys
• candy
• gina- it’s a long shot but a girls gotta try

sigh. too pretty.

i know its belated, but got the pictures from our trip to transki finally- i think that this was the best one. it looks like paradise, and well, was pretty damn close to it. i would give several teeth, and maybe even a toe perhaps, to be there again now. except with a really large cocktail in my hand, and a pool boy delivering them to me every couple of minutes. perfection. (i'll post some others nice ones later but i should actually be doing some work- not internet playing)

clever

side note: im currently reading "the french lieutenant's woman", by john fowles.. a brilliantly written book by my standards so far. One line that was really good: " the place invited what familiarity breeds..."
situation now: i'm tired. slept very badly last night, as was ridiculously worried because my computer appeared to have crashed, as it wasn't turning on, but the fan was going all night, and the CPU was over heating. Did some things to it this morning, and it seems to have returned to its former days when it functioned without problems- but today I'm backing up everything i have, just in case there is imminent disaster looming. At this stage in the game i cant afford to lose any work- i think that would set me over the edge completely. Ha. Keeping my fingers crossed.

spoilt princess me

woohoo am so meant to be doing work, but i was greatly distracted by a package that arrived for me this morning, while i was thoroughly enjoying my pronutro. i love getting things in the mail, especially large hand delivered packages, so needless to say i was over the moon! and have spent the rest of the morning (damn all that work piling up) playing with my new toys. the pictures should be pretty good indications of what the package consisted of- but i'll explain none the less... 1) a skin.tight arm band for my ipod- so now i can look totally hip and cool at gym running with my ipod conveniently placed on my arm- much better than it being prestiked to the treadmill which was getting old, and got me many a stare from fellow gym members. im such a geek but im sitting here with it in my arm, listening to tunes as i type- i love new stuff, and gadgets- oh my!
2) a timbuk2 carry pouch for my computer- its quilted and pinky on the outside and grey soft corduroy inside- so soft and cute looking that i wish i could live in it.. its like a pretty sleeping bag for my laptop. heh. (extra: have just looked at the website again and its made from ballistic nylon..ha craaazy nylon.) such geek pressies but im grinning from ear to ear and will be all day. thanks for the pressies bear- you know how to please this girl: just buy her some geeky gadgets and accessories for her other geek toys. ha.