the longest day in the history of my life.

it was d day for the imminent trip to paulpietersburg today: and god help but i will hate that place forever from now on. i awoke at 4, after only getting to sleep at 12.30pm and waking on the hour,every hour until 4, just in case i slept through my alarm. the roads are surprisingly empty at 5 in the morning, strange that; it took awhile getting used to the idea that NO ONE in their RIGHT MIND is awake and driving at that hour. the only joy about this trip was that i was alone, and not with previously mentioned strange, snoring boss figure, which meant that i could fart, burp and sing loudly along with my ipod to my dear hearts content. 435 kilometers later i was just about enter the thriving metropolis that is vryheid, when i got a call that the meeting meant to start at around 9.30 am was cancelled. let me repeat that in case it didnt quite sink in the first time: CANCELLED. they were meant to be holding two workshops today, one at 10 and another at 2 pm, which if i stayed to attend, would mean leaving there at 4.30 only to have the full 4.5 hour trip home, in the DARK. so i refused, had a brief brunch meeting with my college (who luckily lives DOWN the road and didnt have a 4.5 hour journey), over the wonderful delicacies offered by WIMPY in VRYHEID. that lasted all of an hour, and much arb, slightly forced conversation later, i left to make the exciting return journey home.

all in all the trip was 890 kilometers done for a breakfast meeting i could have done over email. awesome times i tell you. excuse the anger and resentment and CAPS, but im so tired now that i can barely see, let alone think or function, and am still trying to deal with the enormous waste of time and money that was today.

im still amazed i didnt crash today; what with endless bored photo taking (will post some later) and smsing while driving, never mind that i was living on 3 hours of sleep and bioplus. think ive totally lucked out now. so due to this ordeal, faye's suggestion was that i take the day off tomorrow in protest; however i have another 3 hour meeting, and a report to finish off by friday. remind why i do this again? it may have something to do with the pay cheque waiting with my name on it, but its not looking that worth it anymore.

off to sleep now. for another days fun tomorrow.

goddamn

looks like ive lucked out, and have to go to paulpietersburg, regardless of post birthday luck. dammit. the up-side of the whole situation is that i dont have to stay over the night anymore, but i get to drive over 9 hours to simply attend one meeting. the excitements of my life these days. the other joy is that i dont have to have an awkward, weird drive with my boss, or anyone else for that matter. so i can stop off, and enjoy my ipod as much as i like. without a middle aged, afrikaans boss who snores while sleeping in the passenger seat. goddam it does mean being on the road by 5 am, as have to be there for the meeting at 10 am.

why do i| always seem|| to draw the short straw?!

post birthday times

so the great day came and went, with much celebration, jubilation, and far more champagne. as a result i was grinning from ear to ear all day, and am well tired today. had a great meeting with my boss, which started off my day, where he congratulated me on my work thus far, and wants me on another project already. woohoo i say. nothing wrong with a good pat on the back, and congrats on one's birthday. so nothing thrilling to report, but it was a good day. there are still many questions about whether i'm going to paulpietersburg this week, and if all works out like i hope it does, then i may not end up going at all!

things are| just getting better|| and better. fingers crossed.

woohoo

so im feeling way better today; awesome that i can hold down food, my brain is functioning and i can see straight. its a serious benefit to productive living, but my god did it take forever to feel even 50% right yesterday. never ever drinking tequila again. tastes like pure evil. its an absolutely awesome day today; really perfect, so thinking of cruising down to the beach for some rolly fun in the sand and waves. that and hit the beach bar; the worlds best invention. the excitement is also increasing ever so slightly, as the big day is tomorrow! one more year down. i still feel about 4 years old, and totally out of my depth in everything i do, but at least my official age will help me fake it for a little while longer now. the poo side of all of this birthday excitement is that i have an 8 am meeting tomorrow morning with my boss. so not good on one's birthday morning; birthdays are meant to be sleep in, relaxing, do nothing days, with champagne breakfasts and being spoilt. not early meeting where boss isnt going to be happy with me (but that's a whole other story for another time). dammit. oh well will have to spoil myself then, which isn't have the same amount of fun. sniff.

lets just hope| the meeting is short and sweet|| and i can run screaming away||| to better times.

the greatest moment

is waking up, incredibly hung over, and realising you have coke in the fridge. goddam im hung. i was forced fed waay to much booze last night; with far too many people handing me tequila (the thought is making my stomach turn) wishing me happy birthday. aaaaahhhhh. this morning i can barely see straight, and my god is my head pounding. its taken me about 15 minutes of staring to realise that i was posting here. wasnt sure why i was in the study. its going to be a long day; i need more coke, and dvds. and nothing that will require any form of thought process. im starving hungry too (especially after having vommed up any form of dinner including the gatsby roti we consumed) but dont have the energy to cook the eggs i so desperately crave; also fear the smell will set me off again. dammit.

maybe| take out|| is the way forward these days. right now anything would do.

oops.

i realised, perhaps only too late, once having published already, that maybe i shouldn't let you, internet, know about my lack of personal hygiene. perhaps, just maybe, it was a little gross. and then to openly admit it on open domain, perhaps just weird. too late now though hey; that can of worms is open and wriggling all over. but i am happy to inform you that i cleaned the hair, and the bathroom is now shiny its so clean (woohoo no need to use shower to brush teeth anymore!) and that i am wide awake and productive already this morning.

looks like things are on the up and up these days hey?!
lucky me| have drunk so many energy drinks i think im going to start bouncing off the walls|| shortly.
2 more days until my birthday now.

laziness is...

giving yourself a hair cut and not being arsed about the mess afterwards.
i cut my hair last night; just a trim but due the vast thickness of my hair, the basin was rather full of trimmed hair. im was exhausted yesterday, and so had zero desire to clean up hair late at night, so promptly went to bed instead. today, for some reason, i could barely open my eyes. this morning my eyes were rebelling against being open and having to function, so they insisted on weeping profusely all morning. just thinking about the tiredness is making them cry again; or perhaps its just all the staring at the computer screen ive done today (little else). so due to this profound and disturbing exhaustion, i thought fuck the hair. the amusing thing is that im so lazy about stuff, that i just accommodate to having these inconveniences in my life, rather than clean them up. so today every time i needed to brush my teeth, wash hands/ face etc, i used the shower with no complaints, rather than go to the enormous effort of getting the vacuum cleaner into my flat and sucking up the hair just to gain access to the basin. i know it sounds like im getting gross (im not dirty i promise; hey at least i wash on a very regular basis), but i cant seem to stop the exhaustion; its becoming a serious problem, especially since the report for work is now due in tomorrow and i still haven't finished. shit.

i promise| to clean up|| later (before people think im weird)

side note

this description of the problems and embaressments of going to gym when you arent those scary, tight, hardcore, buns-and-thighs-of-steel looking people, is hilarious. seeing as how sore my poor body is from yesterday, there is no way i have to go through that exerience today. woohoo there is occasionally a silver lining.

we saw the wizard of oz.

woowweee the concert was crazy. i was thinking about ways to describe it accurately, but descriptions some how elude me. lets put it this way: we have never danced, jumped, screamed, smiled, drank as much beer, or laughed that much all in one day. it was ridiculous i tell you: R-I-D-I-K-U-LOUS. the bands were crazy, despite me not knowing who half of them were (punk and commercial rock not my scene really). they had set up two stages, dividing the rock and the electronica, so by the end of the evening we were bouncing around between the two; trying to catch a bit of metallica and make it back in time for fat boy slim. the highlights were his set and stereo mcs; they were AWESOME. the girls and i just went mental, every time i looked around at the crew, everyone was grinning like crazy: i was just so surprised all evening that i had so much energy and stamina, without (illegal) external stimulants. insane considering we had been there for over 12 hours; i realised a new hard core side to myself i didnt know existed. we were really worried that durbs was going to be as big a fuckup as jozi (with so many people leaving cause of terrible conditions), but i think they managed to improve the problems; they did however run out of beer,the liquid gold, half way through the night. a travesty i tell you.

all in all it was a great day, and now my cheeks are sore from the smiling, i barely have a voice, and my body feels abused: i fell like ive been run over, about 100 times. all this fun and excitement and my boss wants my report ASAP, like TODAY. ah fuck it, this past weekend has made it all worth while. god| help me|| to get through this week.

more boredom.

taken through sunglasses while listening to sigur ros. pretty.

car boredom.

driving isnt the most entertaining and exciting pass time. so i made it more extreme by navigating, driving and taking pictures at the same time. way more fun.

long journies and fun times.

jozi was rad this weekend: consumed much guiness at trashy irish pub on friday, bumped into danni k, saw my brothers girlfriends amazing house, and danced like a drunken fool on saturday, and lunched and left on sunday. will definately be repeated soon. although only once my bank account has been allowed to heal after the amazing rape and pillage that was this weekend.

away we go, and away we go.

happiest st paddys day to all. hope its great, full of guiness and booze, and lots of pisssshed fun time this evening! i know mine will be. im off today, to yonder sites and sounds, and only back on sunday. i have a big meeting and a long drive ahead of me today, neither of which im really looking forward to, but hell, all in a days work. i should be writing something far more profound and worthy, but im tired.

the great splurge.

i had a really annoying and frustrating meeting with my boss this morning- ha hadnt bothered to read the report ive worked my ass off on all week, and then proceeded to discuss what he wanted, and the structure he wanted, which was pretty much like said already completed report, but with a WHOLE lot more work, that had never even featured in the landscape before. joy. the cherry on the cake is that he wanted me to finish this all by tomorrow afternoon. so when i left the meeting i wasnt the happiest bunny around: not only had i worked endlessly for three days, pretty much for NOTHING, but now i was expected to double my output and produce what he wants by the NEXT day. i apologise for the CAPS returning, but it helps vent the fury.

so: in pure spite (more of myself than my boss) and bitterness, i decided to take the afternoon off and actually enjoy my first really large pay check. how this logic worked in my head, what with tons of work due imminently i run away to shop, im still trying to work out, but i did it with vengence, determination and lots of guilt, so there.


and splurge i did: half way through i felt bad, as was spending in one day, the same amount i used to earn at my old jobs, but hell it felt good. things i saw and liked, i got. including the prettiest, cutest shoes on earth. so it turned out to be a good day after all. and im leaving tomorrow after my meeting to run away properly for the weekend with faye: a proper finger to my boss and work. haha take that evil doers.

im going to be| so screwed|| on monday. at least tuesday is a public holiday.

pretties.

this was what the sky looked like yesterday evening. it looked like beach sand patterns. i liked it. i love this way of wasting copious amounts of time.

life is too full of oxymorons. and tragedy.

i watched brokeback mountain last night. and cried. like a baby. i am rather pathetic with movies. and control over my emotions. it cant be helped. its simply a beautiful love story. tragically beautiful. mournful love. why is it that all love stories are tragic? and why am i so melodramatic at this hour of the morning?

look at what| work and stress|| are doing to me

wasting time that i should be working in

work is killing me slowly, so i dont want to talk about it. instead im choising to think and write about happy things, completely unrelated to the looming report i have to finish, and the presentation feedback session i have to do all by friday. so this is an email passage sent by jon the other day, and that is still making me laugh. see, trying real hard to stay positive and happy and all those ridiculously stupid things. im hoping it works.

"was just cruising through this huge basin called the stillwater bowl,
and it was all overcast and i couldn't see a single other person,
and i had the tunes playing, and was just looking around at how awesome it was...
and thought that a movie of a trip would be so rad. could put something together if we borrowed katelyn's video camera and then edit it all using imovie...
like maybe a day in the life of us, getting ready, working riding, driving etc... with a soundtrack of the music we've been listening to while we've been here...
even now that i'm not stoned, i still think it's an awesome idea"

too funny

i decided the other day that i wanted to get a pair of converse, jack purcell shoes (i have a weird love for velcro shoes) to celebrate the new salary income i now have. however on investigation, they turned out to be around R450, slightly too expensive for me to justify for a simple sneaker. so i decided to get a pair of cheapo town takkies instead the other day, when shopping through town, only to find "jack parcels", the ever amazing ripoff shoe. after laughing for hours over that, i found these. they were R70, look weird, but are comfy as hell, and are called "kayo star". so classy. thought it was too funny that jack parcels are even in existance.

another day

the dog costs more than i do. one of my dogs is strange; he smells bad, pisses on anything around the house, is blind, doesn't walk on one of his back legs, and generally not liked very much by the family. he went to the vet today to investigate said problems, and came back with about 6 million medicines, including medicated shampoo, which will hopefully address the smell problem, and is already slightly more likeable. lets hope it lasts.

besides this riveting event, things are generally insane. work suddenly went from okay and manageable to completely out of my league RIDICULOUS. i have to produce a report by friday, however when we were discussing the areas and issues etc in the meeting this morning, an entire physical area has been included into the programme which i haven't covered. i think if i eat, sleep and breathe this report, there's still NO fucking way its going to be done, for the presentations and feedback on friday. now its just breaking all of this to my boss. god help me.

things that make up for all of this: had a close to perfect day on saturday. just the right mixture of great friends, good food, cheap shopping, beach swimming, and booze. sigh. although looking back i think its going to be one of the last days of freedom i have left for AWHILE. we also got our tickets for coca cola colab concert- my god, it looks like im going to see metallica. what a joke. hey at least its a day away from work, and one in which i hopefully LOOSE my marbles. woohoo.
it also seems like im getting over my addiction to the internet; haven't posted in a whole three days. having no time will do that to you (it also makes you insane and live off bioplus). all i wanna do is sit on my ass, getting boozed, while eating sushi, preferably in the sun, or on some yacht somewhere. dammit. why cant life work out how you want it to. i need to marry a rich man, right? and all this bitching about work, while jon is off to see panic! at the disco, where i told him to throw someone's bra on stage for me; not quite the same as being there, but close enough i feel.

it just |doesnt seem|| fair
reading back- this is the most rambly entry in awhile. i think its proof of my lack of marbles these days. help.

youre killing me here

it appears that ive published two of the entries from last night- however ive deleted the extra one, and on my dashboard for blogger it only shows one.. hmmm. sometimes blogger management gets frustrating. so, sorry about the repeat. either that or its just my browser. another hmmm.
(post edit: dammit just to annoy me, it was just my browsers cache memory, that refused to change, despite the several reloads i tried. basically ignore this entire paragraph)

so just my luck this morning: i spent many hours yesterday washing almost my entire wardrobe; scrubbing, bleaching and generally bashing things til theyre clean. i had left some white tshirts out on the line to dry, only to wake up this morning to a huge bird shit planted right in the middle of my favourite tee. its currently bleaching but the stain left doesnt seem to be dissapearing. as i witness this, and start cursing at the injustice in this world, i partially step on two mating snails. i swear someone has it in for me these days, as that was a definate finger being held up at me from somewhere. this day isnt starting on a good note.

i just| dont seem || to be winning

by the way: the "brokeback" photos are simply too amusing, and i cant help but point fingers and scream with laughter at jon in cowboy studs. they would make the prettiest gay cowboys. laugh and point at the other crazies.

too much.

fayes parents grow bananas. a lot of them it seems. i went to visit them on sunday, for hang over feasting (my family refused to cook for me in my pathetic state) and in the proceeds of the day, adopted a large bunch as afore mentioned bananas. my dad and i have been attempting, with serious dedication, to get through the largest bunch of the fruit i think i have seen in my short, pathetic life. however due to the fruit out numbering us on a serious level, we are failing miserably at our task. one of my pet hates is throwing away frot food- it just seems like such a waste, such a pathetic rich luxary to have so much food, that you fail to eat it all in time before the gross bacteria sets in. i swear i should have been born during one of the wars; i would have been the most perfect 1940s housewife. due to this i hate, i couldnt face simply throwing the bananas away if they got frot, and they were getting there, so decided to make banana bread this evening instead. usually im not terribly good at baking; cooking is great cause you can adlib and add what the fuck you feel like and generally, fingers crossed and if the ingredients make sense, then things turn out okay. baking, on the other hand, is this precise science in comparison, which has to be perfectly measured and looked after and so on, otherwise you get flat, tasteless shit. hence i dont love it so much. but today, someone was smiling on me, as my banana bread was awesome, although it is pretty hard to mess up that recipe really. goddamn it tasted good. i fear im becoming some domestic kitchen bint- help.

oh joy another day of work awaits me. im getting tired of this lifestyle. still dont know if bank cheque has been cleared. if you dont hear from me for a few days, you know ive had some payday L-O-V-I-N.

and now that ive eaten more than my own body weight in said banana bread, and am on the verge of exploding, im going to bed.

you know there's a problem when

i have so much work to get through today. and yet, despite the pressure of having to complete a looming report due this afternoon, that's barely been started, i somehow just cant seem to leave you alone. yes, you internet. dammit. i love you but you're evil. and did i mention devious and deceptive. i think they call this 'addiction'. it happens to the best of people im told. i love you too much it seems, and just cant get enough. i need my fix, and you know its a problem when you're interrupting my everyday functioning.

im pretty sure my boss will happily accept it when i tell him that the internet has powerful, mind control forces, and just wont let me go out of its loving and cushy embrace, hence the reason why my report isn't complete, and is absolute shit.

im sure he'll offer me| a raise || if not a beautiful promotion

glittering in gold

there are some days then being part of this crazy mixed up place, south africa, seems like the best thing in the world. there are certain occasions and events when being linked and intricately part of this place just makes me beam with joy.
yesterday was one of those days.

i heard at 6 am on the radio news broadcast that tsotsi had won. woohooo! too great i tell you. so awesome that we are finally able to tell our own stories to the rest of the world, and to not only have these recognized, but to be congratulated and celebrated for doing so.

smiles and congrats | all || round.

whats funny: is that my brother is super stoked about this, as he did the marketing design for the film, which boosts his portfolio and cv. dammit; i want my job to be so much fun.

there and back again

so tired. have had the longest week in the world, and its barely begun. jesus help me for the rest for the time, as think i may drown myself in a bucket before then. im sounding melodramatic. dammit. but its been bad i tell you.

'brief' explanation: had a meeting for work in paulpietersburg yesterday, which is almost in mpumalanga its so far from durbs- roughly a 4.5 hour drive. my boss and i had to go and meet our clients, discuss future plans, problems and issues. oh joyous rapture i hear you say.. exactly. we left at 5 in the morning. i haven't been awake or proactive at that hour of the morning in, oh god AWHILE, never mind getting ready for work at 4am, and preparing for the day. i was driving up with my boss, a nice enough, but ever so slightly odd man. joyous factor number 2. it wouldn't actually have been half bad had i been driving my own car, listening to rad tunes etc, but no, was forced to listen to random comments and information snippets about the areas we were passing through, or about the meeting, or information we needed for the project. the problem with this was that he kept starting to talk as i was falling asleep, or zoning out or about to grab my book. fortunately he drove fucking fast (slightly disturbing at over 140 lm p/h), and i was able to fall asleep for a decent period. otherwise the meeting was never ending, i was starving hungry so drank too many cups of coffee, and was borderline asleep all day. it was a painful time; most of the people in the meeting were like my boss- middle aged, white, afrikaans men. ones who kept breaking into afrikaans throughout the meeting, despite the rest of us being english or zulu speakers!? bloody manly bonding. i drove on the way home (his car, hah), and luckily the guy fell asleep for most of the way which allowed me to finally relax and zone out.. despite the constant struggle of not falling asleep. the funny thing was that his breaks are way stronger than mine, as is the power steering (my little golf dont have fancy features, sniff) so in the beginning i nearly sent him flying into the windscreen when i had to stop behind a car. i had to laugh real quietly.

one problem: the travel bloat hits me hard in situations like these. i sound like dooce, without wanting/ aiming to do so, but its a true and horrid affliction. the worry of not being able to make it to the loo when i want to freaks me out, as does spending hours upon hours in a car with my boss (without the joy of ipod, book, or the ability to fart whenever i want to). problems i tell you. needless to say, today i feel like shit, and my stomach is so unbelievably sore. i also keep spontaneously falling asleep in strange positions around the house where i am trying to work. oh that the other joy- he (the boss) decides to inform me yesterday that one of my reports needs to be finished by wednesday, thus giving me oh, all of ONE AND HALF DAYS to finish the fucking thing. due to the sporadic sleeping sessions, this deadline may not be as achievable as my boss thinks. dammit. so i bought some bioplus this afternoon to keep me going this evening while i attempt to get this shit thing done.

ha, we'll believe it | when we see it || right.

oh the not so funny side to all of this: that im going back to paulpietersburg in two weeks time, to stay for THREE days there doing workshops with the main stakeholders in the area. let me repeat: THREE DAYS STAYING THERE. oh im a lucky, lucky girl. hell, at least i'll be driving by myself!

would you care for a spot of ruby tea?

just a little wish from distant shores:
happiest birthday bear! hope its a great one.

i look as shit as i feel. i think im getting a cold. drunkenly swimming in the rain last night was probably not the best idea. i feel like death this morning as a consequence. god help my poor little head.

thoughts

so i may be really ignorant, naive, or just plain blonde at heart- but really didnt know the SA blog scene was so huge (this is relatively speaking however, i do tend to over exaggerate readily; perhaps HUGE is the wrong word) -- i know how big it is elsewhere but just didnt think about here i suppose (why not, im still question myself). there seems to be quite a lot of stuff going on in the scene at the moment, such as: the blog off competition, the best SA blog awards 2006 and so on. huh, crazy.
very ransom comment from me, i do apolgise. this happens when you work at home and barely leave the house much, are left to communicate all day with your dog, and stare at a computer screen for unhealthy hours every day.

im bored senseless: theres nothing happening tonight, despite it being friday, either that or i just wasnt invited and theres not even good tv to waste further hours on (hence the blog post now instead).. and i am still cold. think its time for a hot shower and bed. the problem is i fear i am now glued permanently to the chair, seeing as i've been here, oh, the entire day.
i think the pure frustration and pent up angst of the last few days is due to the fact that i havent:
1) left the house much at all (and gym doesnt count)
and 2) havent spent a decent lump of money in ages (and scaping pennies to buy a bottle of cheap and nasty wine just so i dont turn up at dinner parties empty handed, and/ or stealing cash from parents for the car guards who make me feel guilty DO NOT count either)

i suppose this is teaching me patience| restraint|| responsibility
.. and how to grow unhealthy habits such as to hate the bank for the rest of my existence.

today

its cold, rainy and very grey today. its been pouring all day and night. needless to say i don't really have to explain why i looked like i did when i woke up. very blurry and definitely not wanting to leave the warm confines of my bed. ive been longing to go back there ever since.

what has been amusing though is that this bleak, cold, wet weather hasn't deterred my neighbours seriously dedicated drive for self improvement and renovation. this neighbourhood is turning into the bane of my life (closely following the bank i can tell you). despite the wind, the cold and all, i still am able to hear the cacophony of chainsaws (cutting down what's left of any remnants of trees). this recently stopped, however i think this was more due to it being lunch time, rather than any recognition of the surrounding weather conditions. what was the funniest however, were shovel noises coming from next door, where it sounded like their gardener was mixing cement all morning. this was then followed by the hose pipe clearing things up. again i repeat all this down in the RAIN. one could describe this as utter stupidity, insanity, or just not giving a shit, but hell its their garden. made me laugh in confusion all morning though- hours of entertainment in this place i tell you.

thankfully im way calmer than yesterday, and am not going to waste precious hours of my time plotting to kill those people in green at nedbank. ive resigned myself to the fact that i'll be in the money only next week.

in the meantime| im just going to drink|| my sorrows away
(this time on my parents tab, not mine)

and i think i have a cavity in one my back teeth (molar of some kind i think), either that or its become incredibly sensitive and emotional over the last few days, but its hurting like hell everytime it changes temperature from food. hate the dentist more than nedbank so im scared of the prospects of an appointment, or worse- a filling.

its too late

im going to kill. nothing can stop me now. after spending my entire morning listening to the "boop-boop" of nedbank's hold tone, and several hours of wasted time trying to fight the bank, they have won. first i was blamed for not informing them of my new employer details (however no one has ever EVER told me this was necessary, nor that i would have to do so to get my cheque deposited faster), then i was told that in order for them to process my cheque immediately (over 24 hours being immediate for the bank) they would charge me R55 to do so. to hell with the lame charge fee, i screamed, just process the fucking cheque.

update now: i have just recieved a phone call to say that my application has been denied, they cant process it immediately (gave no conclusive reason as to why not- again something about the details, despite me sayig it was a cash cheque) and that, yes, in fact i am going to have to wait a week for my money. all this took place despite me saying im a consultant and dont get paid regularly, who cares about my employer details just process the cheque, and that i have no money and am in desperate need of accessing my salary. but no. the bank cannot change the rules: "now if you had just processed your details before hand, then none of this would have happened.."

fucking whores | all of them || burn in hell nedbank

sorry im sounding so angry but i am. theres no use hiding it. and now my IUOs and debt is just going to increase again. joy.
anyone suggest a better bank? or is this a general problem of pathetic banking in south africa? im thinking the latter.

help before i kill

There are times:
when I want to throw my fucking computer out of the window and gleefully watch it smash to pieces. I love the thing but today is just one of those times. I need to copy a lot of information from the internet into a file for further calculations and investigations.. On property prices and values in clairwood- oh how exciting I know. But for some reason, today of all days, my version of excel, which I need to paste the stuff into is freaking out. This strange abnormal behaviouor- every other time ive used it its never had a glitch, but today when im in a hurry and don't need to be wasting time, its playing up. Its taking roughly ten minutes to paste information, and wont let me move around the document without constantly bringing up that little spinning colour wheel apple uses where theres a problem or when its working something out. Ive seen that fucking little spinning thing about 3 million times so far this morning. Its got to the stage where I try to do something, its spins for about 5 minutes, so I move onto another page/ go back to the original info and look for other stuff, only for the excel window to pop up over what im doing, but to not have changed in the slightest. I havent been able to save the document either, otherwise I would just quit the whole fucking thing. This problem has already prompted me to restart and clear the computer, and it looks like it may need to be done again- if im able to save the stupid thing before doing so. Its actually driving me mad. As is the bank who said they'd phone me back 2 hours ago and wont answer their phones now.

Fuck this day | is || too frustrating.
Im going to break something if I see that spinning thing again I swear. Why is technology is unbelievably frustrating and useless, always at the time you fucking desperately need it.

lights beyond

So: it looks like there may be some light shining at the end of the tunnel, apparently. This is according to my sources, and im not terribly sure about how much i trust them, but if its true i'll be a happy, happy girl.
it seems: that there may be the chance to talk to a bank manager at my branch, explain that its my salary cheque, and then they can approve the deposit and clear it immediately. If this miracle is possible, again i think i may just loose my cool and run screaming with joy through musgrave centre, but lets wait and see.
unfortunately: and just my luck, it was voting day today, therefore a public holiday, and therefore no bank managers available for me to discuss said problems with. dammit and damn them all to hell. I'll let you know when I've worked out who "them" is, but for the moment, i hate them all.
voting went well though; it was municipal elections, for one's ward and for the municipality in general. it was rather tricky actually choosing a party worthy of my vote, simply because none of the parties have proved their merit, or that they will actually help to make any positive change in my life, or the millions of others way less privileged as me. it makes me sick really; there wasn't actually anyone worthy of voting for, however i hate apathy and not voting at all worse than i hate the parties, so it was an obligatory affair. it was however, a public holiday, which meant i didn't have to feel guilty about not working for once. woohoo. Had a pool party and sat doing nothing but drinking and eating in the sun instead; a far better exercise i can assure you than pretending to work and not doing really doing much but feeling way guilty the whole time. This was guilt free indulgence. Although i have so much to do in the next few days, which means totally working on the weekend, so the guilt and worry is actually starting to settle in now. dammit again. How i long for guilt free life. A friend has just told me that he is working to save up enough money to quit for a good period of time and just do stuff that he enjoys; this period he hopes is around 2 years. Again i repeat 2 years. i want his life; a good 2 year period of time, guilt free and fancy free, but with monetary resources. Sigh, that's called heaven from where im sitting.

i love this| joke job/ life|| of mine. at least it makes me laugh